Advice from a Three-Year-Old
Updated: Oct 9, 2019
I have a problem. I have a struggle. My struggle can actually be traced back as long as I can remember. It seems it has always been with me. The biggest part of the struggle is just how sneaky it is. I don’t think it even dawned on me just how much I was suffering from this thorn in my side until yesterday. I hadn’t named it. I just suffer from its silent grip.
The struggle is how much I hate making decisions.
I despise making decisions. There I said it. Sometimes I just want someone else to decide for me. Where to eat? What to wear? I would even like it if a fairy lived in my closet and just handed me clothes to wear in the morning. If you asked my longest standing friend the phrase she has probably heard from me most, it would be, it doesn’t matter. You decide.
I don’t have pillows on my couch because I can’t decide which ones I like. What if I buy the wrong ones?
I know, each and every day holds a million little tiny decisions. Now that I think about it, on the days when I’ve been forced to make more decisions than normal, are the days when I am the most exhausted.
So if the small decisions can wear and tear on me, what about life life-altering decisions? What about deciding to move forward with purchasing land? What about building a house? Yikes!
Over the last few months, I’ve been faithfully listening to a podcast about doing the next right thing. I even bought her book, The Next Right Thing by Emily Freeman. It is all about decision making and until yesterday I thought I was just listening because I found it entertaining. Wrong! I think my subconscious knew, I’ve got problems. I am suffering from decision fatigue. Decisions scare me.
Yesterday afternoon, I take the time to beginning reading the book about decisions. The words laugh at me right from the beginning. She says on the inside cover of her book, “For anyone who’s ever made a pro/con list in the middle of the night.” I laugh, if she could have seen into our living room last night, she would have seen Stewart and I making our own pros and cons list about the property.
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but one item I added to the list under cons is... what if our kids get lost on the property? Once I was brave enough to admit this one to Stewart, the real fear came up, what if someone gets hurt out on the land? Tractor accident? Chain saw slip up? I would never forgive myself. My imagination can get crazy. Stewart handles my irrational fear well and somehow manages to transfer my fear to the pro list. He puts getting hurt under the category of having fun and participating in recreational activities.
The time is up. Time to make a decision. Stew looks over at me and says, “Well, what do you think? Should we go for it?”
I can’t tell you the fear this kind of forced decision wells up in me.
Why is making a decision so hard for me?
Fear can be traced back to many of my inner conflicts.
Fear of the wrong decision. Fear of disappointing the people I love. Fear of regret. Fear of failure. Fear of doing something outside of God’s will for my life.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
This verse is a life verse for me and probably always will be. The land decision and my inability to make a decision has shown me an area of my life I need to work on. When I worry about decisions, I am living in fear. When I am living in fear, I’m not experiencing God’s best for me.
The fear is connected with punishment and regret. He took my punishment for me. When I worry, I am not seeing God
clearly. He is the beginning and the end and he has ultimate control.
This verse comforts me and reminds me who is in charge. I’m not saying I’m healed from this affliction, but I do feel I’m making progress with this fear/decision battle. Do you have unresolved fear in your life?
Decision making can weigh on us all. It lingers in the back of our minds.
Do we go for it or not? The indecision plays on repeat going back and forth all day long as I leave work and know we are hours away from a decision. I pull out of Carter’s daycare and he interrupts my thoughts with the sweetest version of an old song. Anyone who has ridden in the car with Carter knows he talks the entire ride, although he usually doesn't sing. He sings this song the whole way home. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you, hallelujah. I love it when God speaks to us through our children.
Just the message I needed, buying land or not, my ultimate goal is to seek the Lord. This land decision and my inability to make a decision is helping me clear up some misconceptions I have about the Lord. There are many freedoms in life and maybe God is more concerned with how I live than where. Maybe he cares more about the person I am becoming than where I work and my daily routine? Of course he does. Maybe my real worry should be...seeing God more clearly and getting to know him more.
Carter was so cute singing his song, I asked him sing it again to share it with you. Just maybe you have a fear, a worry, a big decision to make. When you put it through this filter, it might come into perspective. God can use all the decisions we make for his glory if we let him.