Updated: Oct 9, 2019
"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough.”
The song on the radio suddenly gets my attention. I’m constantly trying to rise above the self-doubt living in the corners of my mind.
"Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.”
At this point, I feel God whispering to me, you don’t have to measure up, all have fallen short of the glory of God and I love you anyway. I’m convicted of all the time, energy, and thoughts I waste on what others think of me. What will people think? What will people say about me? What if “they” reject me?
"Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?"
While I tend to measure life’s worth in my happiness and sorrows, I’m hit with the reality, God isn't measuring my life the way I am measuring. I am just a vapor in this world, here today and gone tomorrow. I belong to a much bigger plan. Bigger than my success and bigger than my failure.
"Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know."
God is so faithful in his reminders to us. He reminds me of his sacrifice for all of us. I am reminded that I am loved, I am a daughter of the King.
"You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
You say I am Yours and I believe, oh,
I believe what you say of me
I must be a slow learner because God seems to bombard me with the same message or truth until I finally get it. This song solidified a lesson God has been trying to teach me all of my life. He is the one audience member I should be living my life for! His opinion is the one I should worry about disappointing! Not the collective “they” I tend to fret over. Their opinion is nothing compared to the one who has given himself up for me. I am living for an audience of one now. That is freeing in a way I can’t explain.
I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. This change in me doesn't come easy. Some habits die hard, but I feel freedom coming. I am breaking free of a lifetime of worry and self-doubt.
"The only thing that matters now is everything you think of me.
In you I find my identity."
This summer for my annual book club, my best friend suggested we read Girl, Wash your Face, by Rachel Hollis. The book is all about the lies we tell ourselves as women. “It is none of my business what other people think of me.” When I read this statement, it cut me to the core as I thought about the precious minutes, hours, and days my heart has stewed over what someone may or may not think of me. God put a crack in a foundation I had built on a lie: I am what others think of me. Somewhere I had adopted this lie as a truth.
"Taking all I have now I’m laying it at your feet.
You have every failure, God You’ll have every victory."
I love this line the best… ALL I have! All God expects of us is to use what he has gifted us with for his glory. He uses our failures to mold our character and victories for his glory. He is more interested in building our character than our personal success.
The way I see it, our God is a mathematician. He loves multiplication. There are countless stories in the bible where God took the actions of his humble servants and multiplied their efforts for his glory. He took a few fish and bread and fed five thousand people.
He took a few fishermen and spread the gospel to the ends of the Earth.
He multiplied the truths in Rachel Hollis’s book.
He took Lauren Daigle's song and used it to help me believe what God says about me. I would venture to say, God is using Lauren's song to speak to countless others. If you haven't listened to this song, find a quiet corner, close your eyes, and listen. Is God whispering a truth to you? Are you believing a lie?
I’m living for an audience of One now.
There is a verse I’ve always loved but it is extra special to me now. 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. His love for me overshadows any negative opinions others may have of me. I am made perfect in his love and grace when I trust in him over my self-doubt and fear.
My prayer for this blog is that God will allow me to be one of his math problems. I pray he will use some of my words to multiply his truths. I pray he will put a crack, dent, tear, rip, or completely destroy some of the lies the enemy spreads or lies you may be believing. If you are not already allowing yourself to be a factor in one of God's math problems, become a factor for the Lord. Get in the equation and see how he will use the principle of multiplication through your life.
(I included the the link to Lauren Daigle's song, if you haven't listened to it yet. I don't typically buy music, but I bought this one! Or you can check it out on you tube.)